


Heartcrushing

by MajesticSerendipity



Category: Pretty Little Liars, emison
Genre: Angst, F/F, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-28 16:39:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2739512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajesticSerendipity/pseuds/MajesticSerendipity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alison endures a christmas day that causes the desperate need to numb her mind, on her search for the relief, she views the one thing, that shoots through her very heart. Nothing could be worse right? Oh, she was so wrong! She flee's from the sight not able to cope anymore. These simple events set in line for the worst moment of Emily's life, she watches her one true love, possibly slip away to heaven infront of her very eyes.. Emily is distraught, especially upon Alison's last words. Nothing can change the unbearable grief she feels - Emily needs alison to pull through - but will she? Or will the angels take her?. Read more to find out ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartcrushing

**Author's Note:**

> Id like to thank my beta, musicnightingale, for spending her precious time on reading my writing and allowing me to crush her heart more than once. Also id like to thank her for sending in this wonderful prompt.

Love, nobody really ever truly tells you how heartbreaking and utterly miserable it can make you when that one person - the one who means everything to you, the one that warms your sole just from viewing them across the street, hearing there voice over the phone, perhaps a simple text message, or seeing their endearing smile - when the person you once loved no longer expresses it back to you. Sure Alison had never been one to express her true feelings to Emily, but deep down she pinned relentlessly for her mermaid. If she had known the agony love causes the soul, maybe her life would of been different the day she first spotted Emily, perhaps she would have chosen to keep walking past her, instead of pausing, smiling and saying “Hi, I’m Alison”. She would of continued walking down the halls of their wretched school, unknowing of who is her one and only, wondering if she would ever meet them or if she already had. But the fact is, even if she had known that her life was about to shatter into a billion shards today, six years on from when she met the majestic goddess, she still without a doubt would stop in that exact moment and say hi. She never could deny the immensely strong magnetisation to the girl, even if at first she could not recognise or understand it. The moment her eyes first landed upon the beautiful brunette, it was impossible to just walk past, she was never going to walk past her, she was always going to approach her, be her friend, she was always going to repeat that moment and fall hopelessly in with love with her, down to the very last fibre of her broken soul.

Alison’s soul is already broken and shattered into shards, most people that got near enough to truly know her, eventually understood something was not quite right with her. Although before they are close enough that person clearly knew that she was confident, strong, demanding and would have what she wanted and there was nothing, they could do about it. Usually that was true, but lately since she left rosewood and from others point of view return from the dead, she had hardly anything her way. She lost her best friends, but that was not really what tore her internally apart, it was the fact she lost Emily and they all believed her to be A. She thought everything on her return to the town would have gone differently to the way it actually did, she was a realist and completely understood that everything would not of gone smoothly, she was always going to have the police on her back, and the girls would have always had trouble accepting she is alive. However instead its gone considerably worse than she thought it would and could of done: A is not Shauna and she is now trapped in a town with A, the girls have the audacity to believe she is A and turn to Mona’s side just before she died. None of that is the worse of it, yes she lost her best-friends, yes she is trapped and scared for her life, yes they think she is responsible for Mona’s death, but the real pain comes from the fact she lost her too: her mermaid. She really thought that by now Emily would have been fawning over her, and she would have perhaps expressed more emotions to the woman than she ever offered anyone in her life. She never realised how much damage she caused the brunette, until she lost any opportunity of having her goddess in her arms once again. God she hates that she continually rejected Emily, during her denial stage, she truly messed them up so badly she wrecked whatever future they could have. She was scared young girl, and she had a image to uphold.

You see she is the Alison Dilaurentis, you may not understand what that means, but everyone in rosewood does, she was the bitch of her high school, in fact she practically owned most of the people in the town once. But now, she is just the girl that rose from the dead. In her head bitch era, she cared too much about how most people saw her, she couldn’t be seen as gay or bisexual, no that would tarnish her reputation. She learnt her mistake many years on. She truly regrets treating Emily the way she did before she was practically chased out of town by the mysterious but deadly A. She wrecked every possibility of a future with the girl, well she is not a girl now. She is clearly a devastatingly beautiful woman.

Nothing could ever make Ali feels she deserves the love of the brunette, she truly deserves more than Alison could provide her with; she knows that all she has ever offered her is pain and torment – Although, right now she would give anything to have 5 minutes of clarity in the past, as Emily kissed her shoulder in the changing room - She would take back them ghastly words and give her just a bit more trust than she has in her right now. She supposes its selfish to still want the women, even though she has crushed her in the most cruel way, more times than she can count. However she just cant help herself, Alison’s soul gravitates around the brunette, she needs her more than she will ever like to admit. She feels desolate like a part of her is missing with every breath she takes. Alison takes in a deep breath trying to collect the piece’s of her fragile soul back together.

She shakes herself slightly out of her reverie, and tries to bring her mind back to reality, realising that she is sitting in the living room, alone. Her house feels empty and cold, and dimly lit. Disappointment rushes through her as she looks at the time on her phone, her father promised to be home today, to see her and spend Christmas day with her. Instead he is at work, while she sits in her freezing living room alone. She huffs aloud, for once she had hoped that her dad would not let her down, that he would be father that she briefly received before her mum died. Christ her life had just gone from worse to desolate and terrible lately.

She looks towards the Christmas tree and sees the very few beautiful Christmas presents; begging to be opened. She sighs and remembers a time when the tree was full of presents, a time when they were all happier, smiling. A time when her mum was alive, when Jason stuck around for more than 5 minutes, and her dad didn’t avoid family moments like a plague. Christmas was the only time of her year in which she felt a bit happy, nothing ever ran that smoothly and joyful in the Dilaurentis house, so she took solace in the few happy moments she received this time year. Granted it was never enough, but these memories of her cold hearted family, always were the better ones. Now she doesn’t even receive them moments.

The pain from all these moments, constantly sprinting through her lonely mind, makes her want to do something to stop feeling even if its just for a second. Just one second would be a unbelievable relief. She thinks about all the substances and ways she could go about dulling her senses, but soon realises every alternative, is rather too dangerous with A still around, or following a route that would be too hard to climb out off. Understanding none of them are wise decision’s, she decides to go for a walk to attempt to clear her mind, she acknowledges the walk probably wont help, but doing anything right now, is a lot better than sitting around this creepy house alone, stewing with her thoughts.

She collects her coat, shoes, scarf, gloves and places each item on one by one. After she is wrapped up for the chilly winter air, she walks to her front door and exits, the bitter cold immediately bites her nose, and smothers her body and limbs entirely. She can see her breath before her, as she moves away from her house. The dimly lit driveway, is extremely hard to see across, the dark causes her to stride hastily towards the lit roads, although still not knowing where she is heading, just that she is walking, and trying to do so in a way that suggests to others she has purpose in being out. As she wanders she keeps her mind as clear as possible, just trying to take in the world around her. She concludes its a quite day today, no one is out and about. As she passes houses she occasionally peeks into the houses, every-time she sees joyful smiling people, rather; eating around a festive dinner table, simply exchanging presents or chatting amongst themselves. Viewing these sacred moments makes her hauntingly crave the happiness and normality of a loving family.

After a short while, she registers that her mindless legs carried her to the road, her incredibly stunning woman lives upon. Knowing she is too far down the road to back out, she keeps reluctantly trekking her way towards the inevitable house. Although Ali wants to see her brunette she cant bare to feel the coldness in her glare and the sharpness in her brash words. She knows that simply seeing the house is going to cause pain and memories to collide with her mind. Reacting accordingly to the knowledge of the street she crosses over the road, so she is on the opposite side to the brunettes house - she cant stand the idea of being on Em’s side of the road knowing she wont get to see her perfect mermaid.

Just as she travels close to where the house is situated, she notices two people across the road, standing outside a couple of neighbours down from Emily’s home. The light from the street lamps illuminates the figures, the two seem to be engrossed in each other, the shorter one lovingly glances upon her…..Emily. Instantly she realises its two girls she is seeing and recognises who is gazing at her mermaid, that woman is Paige. That disgustingly loving expression causes a strong urge to run over and rip Paige from her Mermaid and break Paige down a peg or two. Perhaps even three if she touches her.

She crosses over to Em’s side of the street. Suddenly she feels like she is watching a train wreck in slow motion, her body involuntarily halts from doing anything to Paige, she views her precious Emily, make a move on Paige, dipping into a searing kiss. She blinks furiously hoping this is a sick trick her mind is playing on her, that she will open her eyes and this disaster will not be happening right in front of her. Slowly and desperately she opens her eyes to see her beautiful, gorgeous Emily capturing Pigsk…Paige’s lips with her own, Emily’s hands find their way to and clasp around Paige’s hips drawing the other women in closer to the toned and incredibly sexy body. The taller brunettes lips ravish the other girls. Ouch! she never thought something could hurt this bad, up until now.

To top off the terrible uncontrollable pain she has ever mentally experienced, she feels her heart, mind and soul fracture, at a moan ripping from Emily’s throat - as she views the smaller brunette surprise Emily with a squeeze of Emily’s perfect derrière - A devastating and earth shattering sob tears from her fragile body. Instantaneously the girls rapidly part, aware that someone else is near, Emily promptly looks directly at Alison, viewing a very fragile and broken women, their eyes link as another heart-crushing sob rips from her soul. Its too much, she cant stand the connection of their pupils. She hears soft concerned words leave Emily, as If she is asking a question “Ali?”.

Immediately she needs to get away, she cant bare to stand here watching anything more, she can’t bare to have Emily say anything more to her right now. It’s obvious to her now, that her soul mate, her one true love has moved on, and that she - Alison Dilaurentis - will never be Emily Fields one true love. Even if Emily Fields will eternally be hers. With post-haste she turns back to the direction she had travelled earlier and runs, she is unsure where to; all she knows is, it has to be anywhere but here.

Her legs take her as fast as she can, nothing in this world can make this feeling right. She feels utterly broken, like everything has been torn from under her, like her heart has been pulled out and stampeded on by enormous animals. Every step she takes away from her brunette steals breath from her burning lungs, the tears streaming down her face and whimpering really does not help with trying to breathe. She hears Em shouting “Ali stop.” She makes a quick decision to cross back over the street, she lacks the care to check the road through her unclear watershed eyesight and runs cloudily into the road.

“ALI” she hears calling from behind her, the pain in the voice has her whipping around to view her mermaid. She could never cope with the thought of causing her any more pain. Once again Em’s chocolate eyes and Ali’s sapphire blue eyes lock onto each others. Alison instantly knows something is unbelievably wrong, the colour draining from her Emily’s face, the terror completely taking over her eyes, body and soul. She wants no needs to ask what is wrong but before she gets to respond with anything, she spots a blinding light out of the corner of her eye. And rapidly she just knows. This is it, her last moments alive staring at her brunette, a car is going to run her over, on Christmas day of all days. She feels the irony wash over her, the one day she had only treasured in her entire life, becomes the date of her last moments, she thinks ‘my death’. She takes the last precious millisecond of a millisecond to absorb everything that is the brunette. She speedily tries to smile to give her mermaid something to hold onto. She is unsure if she succeeds or not, due to the crippling physical pain smashing into every part of her body. At some point she feels sure some bones crack, her head cracks hard into something. Everything from that moment, seams to disperse into nothing, her mind continually edging towards being unconscious. Eventually she vaguely recognises her journey through the air, she scarcely realises she has another hard impact to come yet: courtesy of gravity. Unconsciously she hopes to not survive that long, due to the agony coursing through her battered body. THUMP!, she wants to scream in excruciating pain but she finds her throat will not let her. She lays there unable to move feeling weaker with each millisecond. She didn’t feel like she had long left at all. Some people say you know when your going to die, for Alison Dilaurentis this was certainly the case. She could feel her life force slipping away through her delicate fingers like water.

Emily feels her heart sink dreadfully fast as she views the car crash into Ali. She saw it coming but there was nothing she could do this time, like she did for the others, all she could do was watch every sickening blood-curdling moment and hope with all her might that she survives this. In this very second she would do anything to stop this if she could. She would even replace herself for Ali’s position if she could. However life doesn’t work like that; It always takes away what means the most to you in the world. Her life is less meaningful to her than Ali’s, she would do anything for this girl in the drop of a hat. She watches the expressions on Alison’s face as she recognises what is about to happen, she seems surprised, then suddenly she smiles in a heart-warming way at her. In that millisecond she sees her head whip, her legs get taken from under her as the car hits her legs. She crushingly collides with the bonnet, she swears she hears bones cracking. As the car passes Emily, she terrifyingly notices Alison’s head crushing into the window-shield, suddenly Ali pelts into the air, and just as quickly rams into the hard concrete floor a couple of feet backwards from where she was standing. To Emily this blood-curdling moment seems to have happened in slow motion but so rapidly at the same time. In this second she realises she cant lose Alison not again. Not ever. Losing her once was soul destroying, losing her twice she knew she couldn’t survive. This woman is her life, her soul mate, her one true love; If she dies, so does Emily. She hates the fact she has waisted every valuable second since the stunning blonde has returned to her life. All to be taken away too soon.

She desperately dashes the quickest she has ever moved towards her blonde and drops to kneel beside her, lifts her head and cradles her, hoping she will come too and say anything. Hoping that she is breathing. Hoping that she has, no, that they have hope. She stares at her trying to survey the injuries Ali received. Blood, good god there is a lot of blood. She swallows at the horrifying sight, she surveys and realises the blood is seeping out of her, leg. The pool of blood is the size of a small tire. Panic arises, she shouts “Someone help me” immediately someone speaks to her “I’m calling an ambulance”, if she weren’t so panicked she would feel shocked at the instant reply. She rapidly spares a look at the person, its Paige, she tries to send a thankful look but its hard amongst the sorrow she feels. Paige’s mouth sets to a straight line, doesn’t offer a smile or a grimace. In a fraction of a second, she paid no more attention to the brunette and offered it to the blonde. Nothing, she still is not concious, so she keeps her eyes looked onto her hoping to see a miniscule movement. In the background she can hear Paige speaking “There is a lot of blood. She has just been hit by a car…………I don’t know if she’s breathing…” Emily zones out not being able to cope with the conversation.

She tenderly lifts her hand to her cheek and strokes her thumb across it. She instinctively realises she still warm. She thinks ‘That’s a good thing, right’. Broken out of her thought she is pulled back into reality by Paige tapping her shoulder, and asking “They want to know if she is….alive”. Emily gulps and looks at the immobile Alison Dilaurentis, Paige sensitively asks, “can you feel a pulse?” Emily gently places her hand at the pulse point on her neck. Relief washes through her as she feels the rhythm of quite a slow heart beat. “She is…” she struggles to admit the next thought “but her pulse..its weak”, Paige is quite for a second “They want us to tie something tight above the wound, to slow the blood loss”, immediately Emily takes of her coat and takes off her plaid, over shirt, which still leaves her in a black tank top, and rips it apart to form a strip. She gives it to Paige afterwards she places on her coat. She watches the brunette tie a make shift tourniquet tightly around the leg, just above the nasty gash. Eventually Paige steps away again, speaking to the ambulance service.

She views Ali’s eyelids slowly flutter open; Emily watches her blue sapphire eyes peer up at her. In this moment she memorizes her eyes, the life and details, she sees in them. “Ali, an ambulance is on its way” she gives her a reassuring smile, “Please hold on” she doesn’t know if she is telling this to the blonde or herself “You’ll be okay” she views Alison’s eyes close and panics “Just don’t close your eyes, okay”, it looks as if Ali struggles to stay awake and reopen her eyes. She pleads with the fragile women "I know your tired Ali but you can’t sleep okay. Please don’t sleep, for me.” Emily can see Alison is trying to keep her eye’s open, she is just about audible and speaks breathlessly “I feel..soo…cold”. Emily doesn’t know how to respond, so she just says “I know Ali, we will get you in the warm ambulance in a minute”. Alison’s expression doesn’t change her eyes just stay locked on Emily’s, it appears as if she is scared to look away, as if she did, she may lose any hope of holding onto her life and quietly requests “Don’t….leave…me”. Emily Instantly replies “I’ll never leave you, I promise”, the blonde woman tries to smile, but instead it looks like a painful grimace.

Watching her causes dark thoughts to occur in Emily’s mind, the content retaining: the death of the blonde. That strikes up the urge to utter the three words that she had never said out loud to Ali. Her brain calculates the risk of never saying the most precious words known to humanity. What if these are her last moments. What if she never gets to admit to her how she has always truly felt. What if she never knows how I feel. Before the meaningful words flow out of her mouth, she sees Ali trying to form words. She speaks so quietly she can barely tell she is forming actual words. Not wanting to miss any of the words said, being aware these could be her very last words, she bends her head and turns it to the side, positioning her ear just above her mouth, she hears “I always…wanted..to..spend..Christmas….with..you” her voice sounds breathless, weak and hoarse. Suddenly all Emily wants to do is cry. A tear escapes Emily’s eye as she sniffles the response “Me too”.

The weakness in Ali’s voice, makes her so terrified, she instinctively knows that’s seriously not good, and the words. The words, Alison’s last words, destroy her, because she has always desire that too. She had always wanted so much more with the stunning blonde. She knows that right here, right now she is losing someone, that she could never begin to replace, she realises that she never managed to replace her during her fake death. Paige, Maya, they were never her, they were never enough, but this girl here, she is, she is her true love. They were not Alison and no one else could come close. No matter how much she wished differently, losing her, will cause a massive sink-hole in her life, a hole no-one but Ali can fix. She really must stay alive, for the both of them.

She feels desperate to stay strong for her. But it’s hard, she is losing everything she: needs, wanted and dreamt of, due to a fucking car. She thought they had time to make things right again. But the truth is they have none, times up and the angels are coming to collect Alison to take her away, for good this time. Emily lifts her head to look the blonde, and touches her face as gently as possible, her thumb caresses her cheek. She says the words to her that she always dreamt of saying, but not this way. Never this way. She feels choked that she is losing her Alison for real this time, its final, she is not coming back from the dead. Her throat tightens as she tries the hardest she has ever had to, to not cry. Emily looks in the fading sapphire eye’s and speaks the most precious words, one can offer another “I love you” she smiles lovingly at the damaged but still very beautiful girl as their eyes link “And I always will” that’s it, it is all too much, her barriers break causing tears to cascade violently down her face, as she pleads to her blonde, to the world, god, to anyone that’s listening “Don’t you dare leave me, okay, I can’t lose you” she tries bargaining, asking the women to hang on long enough to survive this “I promise you I will spend every Christmas with you, if you….” She sees a rapid change in Alison. Suddenly her eye’s appear empty, lifeless, exactly how they would look if the angels had taken her.

“Ali?” her hand rushes to the pulse point on her neck, she feels nothing “ALI!” she calls, feel unbelievable panic, she shouts “ALLLIIIIII!” she sobs uncontrollably at the unresponsive lifeless head cradled on her lap. She mentally begs god, to give her back, she promises that she would sacrifice anything asked of her by him, as long as its not her. Nothing happens. She counts knowing its only possible to live four to six minutes after oxygen depravity causes brain death. Its been one minute. Oh shit!, between three or five minutes till Alison is lost for forever. Suddenly she feels time cannot move slow enough, she hopes for a miracle, she hopes for sudden breath, or for help. She hopes for god to answer her call of help.

She cannot help but ache at the sight of Ali as she watches another minute of empty lifeless eyes aimed at her face. Half of her feels she should begin compressions or anything, that she should do something, anything. Alison's life is fading before her very eyes, she knows it, but she cannot bring herself to move; frozen by the bottomless vacant glaze in the eyes. Emily just stares back, willing the look in her eyes to change, whilst cradling her dead blonde. Tears puddle above her eye-lids; submerging her eyesight while undoubtedly bawling. A single tear escapes the ever growing collection of despair to slide down her face and splashes onto alison's beautiful cheek. Emily's thumb delicately and reverently swipes the tear of her warm skin - she feels that the warmth of Ali's skin should add more comfort to the situation, but it doesnt, the uninhabitated abandoned eye's just equates the heat to mean nothing, it feels all is lost and that Alison has left her - now her heart is gone and Ali is taking it to the grave.

She unwilling realises these are last moments with Alison, her last goodbye. Tears relentlessly wave down Emily's cheeks. God, she wished she had more time, to say everything and anything, to say she loved her very core no matter what happened in the past, no matter what happens in the future, to have told her before she left for heaven, but she did not; that chance is lost. She realises regrets like this would follow her for her life-time; that she was sure of. She unblinkingly stares at the love of her life. Realising her time for a miracle is nearly up. She thinks back to the moment Ali saw her say i love you, and she hopes that Ali understood the type of love she was trying to express.

The love she has saved up for the blonde overwhelms her, she feels an urgent need to express that one last time, even if Alison will never feel this and never know of this. She leans down to graze a gentle kiss to her forehead, it did not feel respectful to steal a kiss, especially now. She never thought her last kiss for the blonde would end like this. She leans back up to stare back at that heart-crushing gaze, hoping that somehow that kiss changed everything and burst life into the soulless body - but no, of course not life does not work the way every fibre in your desperate bones and soul craves and need. Alison is dead, a line she thought her mind would never say again, well at least not so soon. She whispers softly, somehow hoping that her soul can hear her once again, whilst trying to express every inch of her love "I love you, Ali".

Out of the blue, as if god had answered her prayers a hand tightly grips on her on the shoulder and the owner of the hand asks her to move away from the body. She looks up and feels relief in what she sees, paramedic outfits, elation tumbles through her at the smallest hope they can help her Alison - she feels tempted to scream to the world yes about time!, they are fucking here! but instead concentrates on getting the paramedics help - she gently but quickly as she possible can places her head down on the tarmac, and scrambles backwards to give them room to work, she weepingly mutters to them “she’s just stopped breathing, three minutes ago”.

They rush, unpacking their portable defibrillator and use scissors to cut open her top and shirt, they place the pads on her chest, the other women paramedic, charges the machine, as the other man holds the paddles and releases the charge, after he says “clear”. Emily views the blonde woman’s body involuntarily jump from the floor. Unconsciously Emily is holding her breath, waiting to hear or see her spark back to life. She pleads under her breath “Fight for me”. Nothing no response. The male paramedic asks the female to charge the machine at a higher figure, he clearly repeats “Clear” and administers the shock to the dead woman. Once again her body becomes taut as it slightly lifts of the tarmac. This time the blonde woman responds, her soul returns to her damaged anatomy, as her chest begins to move.

The paramedic checks her pulse, and notes it down on his hand. He immediately accesses her injuries and decides they need a stretcher and asks the feminine paramedic to retrieve it. The male paramedic asks Emily for help. He asks her to place, pressure on the wound, while the female paramedic retrieves the stretcher. Emily obviously obliges without a second thought, she feels the warm blood sitting around her fingers. Usually a paramedic would not ask this of someone but this situation requires it. The paramedic packs away the defibrillator as quickly as possible after asking Emily the patients name and age, “Alison, Alison Dilaurentis, 17”, instantly his face changed into a scowl as if he knew the name, she wants to question the look but realises there are more important things at hand. He then asks her to release the pressure, he cleans and then places a gauze over the wound.

The paramedic lady, quickly returns with the stretcher, and head brace. The lady softly lifts her head as the man adds the orange brace, and straps it to her head. They then start slide the board under her fragile body, luckily the blonde was not concious to feel the pain of being moved. Once on the makeshift bed, the women paramedic offers the blonde some dignity and warmth by placing a cotton blanket over her bruised and broken body. They rush her to the ambulance and place her inside. Emily chases after them and questions, “Can, I get in the ambulance?” she sees the complete doubt in their faces, so she adds “please, I cant leave her” before they get to answer Paige’s hand clamps on her shoulder and turns her around “Em, they need to do their job” a pained expression crosses over Emily’s face, “I can’t leave her, I promised I wouldn’t.” not caring to view Paige’s reaction she turns back to the ambulance and begs to be let in, not wanting to waist time she manipulates them into conceding by lying, not caring that Paige can overhear “I’m her partner”. Without a word or a look backwards to Paige, she steps aboard, with the permission given.

The doors are shut, the ambulance turns on and begins the race against time to the hospital. During the trip he connects the young blonde to the heart monitoring equipment, he checks her properly for the first time and queries broken ribs, legs, possible concussion, definite head injury and laceration to the leg. The journey to hospital seems a blur to Emily, none of this feels real. The time just fades away as she hopes desperately to get her there on time..before Alison loses a second chance of life…she keeps her eyes fixed on the heart monitor, trying not to blink for a second, watching the number vary. Hoping Ali doesn’t deteriorate. Occasionally he monitors her for discouraging signs. Spending the other moments asking her general questions, about Alison. Some of it is slightly important, like her next of kin, she guessed it would be her dad, now her mum is dead. She thinks ‘Fuck!, the blonde woman had gone through some tough times lately.’

After what felt like the longest moment of her life they finally reach the hospital, she jumps out of ambulance as she fast as she possibly can, allowing them to move Alison out as quick as possible. Immediately she hears the mention of medical terms to the doctors, she understands fairly little of what they are saying. She tries to follow them as they take her through the hospital, but as soon as the reach the big white doors. They tell her she is not allowed to go in further, panic arises, as the doctor suggests she should go into the private waiting area, and to call relatives that are concerned. She walks in the empty room and notes that the chairs edge around the sides of the medium size room, and that nothing sits in the middle.

Christ she hadn’t even thought about telling anyone concerned. She dips her hand into her jeans pocket and pulls out her phone. As soon as her eyes view the dried blood over her hands, they begin to shake. Suddenly all the horrifying moments, wash through Emily’s mind, she sure she might have a breakdown in a minute, but first she has to pull together to make the phone calls. She cannot bring herself to ring Alison’s dad yet, she doesn’t feel composed enough. So instead she shakily types. ‘S.O.S – hospital, it’s Ali, it’s serious.’ She couldn’t bring herself to explain more, usually none of the girls wouldn’t write anything after S.O.S, occasionally the location, but it seemed like she had to write an explanation of sorts as they might think its her needing medical care. Plus if she just wrote Ali she knew none of the girls would come, they hate her. She addresses the text to all the girls and hits send. Sitting down on the moderately uncomfortable seats provided, she clasps her head trying to: calm herself, to slowly breath in out - before she calls Ali’s Dad.

Emily is unsure how long she sat there trying to calm herself, and really she’s unsure if she became any more collected at all. Finally hitting call, on the number Mr Dilaurentis gave her after Alison returned home, she waits till he picks up “Hello. Mr Dilaurentis, It’s Emily.” she hears him polity respond, afterwards he asks her why she is calling. This is it, the moment she dreaded; facing and relaying the reality of what’s happened to the blonde. “It’s Alison….she was hit by a car…we are at the hospital.” the silent response feels deafening, after a short while he asks “Is she okay?” a strangled sob releases from her throat as she struggles to admit the reality of the last hour “I don’t know… she…she died before..before the ambulance people got there…” she releases another sob and rambles a little, with the intention to try to ease his mind “But they resuscitated her, and she has stayed that way, but they wouldn’t let me stay with her…she hasn’t woken back up..” finally he says something, his voice sounds pained but collected in the same moment “I’m on my way. I’m at work, so I’ll be a while, I’ll be there as quick as I can…Please text me with updates, if there are any.” she agrees to honour his request, while wondering why he is at work on Christmas day. Before ending the phone call she goes by social protocol and says goodbye.

* * *

After going through twenty minutes of torture alone - the delay of hearing nothing causes her to feel indescribable panic - she also needs support right now, her life feels like it is ending. She can’t help but think that one thing she learnt today, is that one tiny minute can make the difference in a life and death situation. Twenty minutes, Twenty possible life and death situations. Knowing nothing, that is making her feel incredibly uncomfortable. She huffs, to herself through sheer impatience. At the same time she wants to break down and cry.

She sits there in silence, trying to keep her hope and sanity. Subconciously she keeps asking herself if Ali will make it out of this alive, she just looked so broken. She starts replaying the whole scene in her mind, Alison standing there crying her heart out, her running, the car, her smile, the car smashing into her, her head hitting the wind-shield, flying through the air, the landing, her words, replying back to her, promising she - Emily fields - would never leave her and then her final words, that Alison always wanted to spend Christmas together. Tears flow to the surface, at the overwhelming memories, at the thought that she promised she would never leave her. And she has already broke her promise, leaving her alone with clinical doctors. She completely desires to be there with her, she needs Ali to see her when the blonde wakes up, she promised, she wouldn’t leave.

* * *

 

Relentlessly she watches the door, finally her best friends step into the doorway. A bit of her is glad to see them, but the majority of her is completely upset that they were not a doctor, it had been thirty long minutes now, and she still hasn’t heard anything. Her eyes lock onto the first person stepping in, she searches the expression cast on Hannah’s face. She recognises that look, Hannah is showing a confused but slightly compassionate look. The compassion being offered to Emily pushes her flood gates open, until this moment she did not recognise the fact she was holding back her devastation and tears. A wail cracks through her voice as a tears tumble down her cheeks. Her legs promptly feel weak, before she drops to the ground, Hannah is quickly aside her catching and preventing the decent. The other two enter the room behind her, in a slower manner. Hannah lifts her higher and holds her, practically hugging, allowing her to sob incessantly over her shoulder. Occasionally comforting her by calmly rubbing hand, in circles on her back. After a while Hannah guides her over to the one of the seats edging around the room. She sits her down and continues allowing her to cry her heart out, about the devastating life altering moments she had witnessed. No one spoke, trying to make anything better, they just let her be.

After what felt like half an hour. Emily slowly calmed down, she struggled stopping the random sniffle and weeping. Eventually after her breath was caught and the tears are wiped clear, Hannah asks softly, for the first time noticing the dried blood covering her hands, “Em, what happened?”. Emily steels herself to answer the torment Alison had endured. “She was hit by a car” slightly shocked expressions splash over all their faces, Spencer questions “Who, was it A?” she huffs at the thought of their personal stalker. “I really don’t think so, she ran into the road without looking and..” another sob, cuts into her words. She admits the part that haunted her, since she saw her dead glassy eyes “she died before the ambulance got there”. A whimper escapes her throat as tears once again start to drizzle down her cheeks “They…they..resuscitated her…but..but..she…didn’t…wwwaake..bbback..up” she wipes her face on her coats sleeve. “and she…llllost a lot..of blood…”

Before the others have time to wrap their heads around the information, a doctor with a white clinical coat appears at the door. Not waisting time he instantly speaks “She needs surgery, because she is a minor we cannot take her into surgery without parental or guardians consent. Its critical we get her in there as soon as possible. Have you called her parents?” Emily shakily speaks up “Yes I called him. He will be here as soon as he can. I can..give you his number if you want…to ring to ask him..I’m sure he will give it.” he rapidly responds "under normal circumstances we would wait for him to be here, but she doesn’t have the luxury of time. He can sign the papers when he gets here." Emily hastily reads his number out aloud. He jots the number down on a piece of paper he retrieved from his oversized pocket. He replies “Thank you” and starts to leave the room, before he fully reaches the door, Emily steps forward and asks “What’s wrong with her?” he promptly replies “I’m sorry but we can only tell her family” she swallows knowing the girls are going to react badly and stumbles out the words “I’m her girlfriend, as in partner, please tell me.” Suddenly he turns around deciding if she telling the truth. He sighs, feeling uncomfortable not knowing if this is the truth or not, eventually he concedes. “She has a deep laceration to her leg, 3 broken ribs, which one has caused a haemothorax” he must of noticed Emily’s lost composure “Bleeding in the chest, caused by the rib breaking, we need to drain the blood, but we cannot do so without permission. We are concerned she has brain damage as she is still not awake, we plan to incubate her as soon as possible after permission is given, and scan her as soon as. So if you don’t mind I need to..” he gestures to the door and Emily nods her head allowing him to leave.

She knew things weren’t good, but she really didn’t realise how bad. Instead of allowing herself to cry for what felt like the billionth time today she sits down and stares at the floor. After a couple of minutes, Hannah says “So your her girlfriend, now?” half of her wants to scream at her, at that’s what she got out of all the whole conversation, the other half just desperately wants it to be true. She sighs, “No, of course not.”. She really wants to end this conversation here, so she diverts, “Do you think..she will live?” she swallows as she awaits an answer. Spencer tries to give some assurance “I don’t know, but I know the doctors will do everything they can”.

* * *

Alison’s Dad turns up, 1 hour into the surgery, he claimed the traffic was a nightmare. Emily didn’t quite believe him, but knew she couldn’t fight with the one person that could deny her access to be here for Alison. Time just seems to be moving slower, every hour, Ali is in surgery, her panic rises too.

* * *

6 Hours later, the doctor walks into the room and notifies them of Alison’s progress. “Alison is out of surgery, incubated and stable. Luckily her scans show no permanent damage to her Brain, so we feel she has a concussion. We are going to slowly lower her sedation and then I’m afraid its a waiting game.” Not allowing the surgeon a second to gather his thoughts, Alisons Dad asks “How long do you think we will have to wait?”. “I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you, it could be hours, days, weeks, months and in very rare cases years. I’m afraid its something we cant control, she hit head considerably hard, I’m quite surprised her scans are clear. All we can do is wait and hope she wakes up soon.” For the first time in hours Emily finally breathes properly again, she feels a heavy weight has been lifted off her chest, she is stable. That’s something but at the same time she doesn’t feel as if the world has tilted its self back on its axis, she still might not wake up. Kennith, Alison’s father, asks “Can we see her?”, the surgeon responds “Yes you can, and her partner can. But her friends have to stay out here.”

Emily’s cheeks blush as embarrassment waves over her, shit! she had forgot to mention she lied. So she ushers the doctor out of the room and shuts the door, turning around to face him “I…we…she…they wouldn’t me know anything about her...and I panicked..that was the first thing I thought of.” Kennith stays silent, he just looks at her, after a while he says “What my daughter gets upto in her spare time, is upto her. I’ve always thought you are a nice girl Emily. So if that means you get to see her, when you saved her life, I promise I wont say a word that you are not together. Your not, right?”. She stumbles her words feeling slightly scared, as if she was saying a big secret “I…we…no..we are not”. Promptly he asks, as if her stuttering gave something away, she also had a feeling that he wanted to know his daughter more, and if Ali actually liked her, “What, is her sexuality?”. She really feels this is not her place to give up a secret Alison may own, but she knows right now she has little choice, if she wants to stay in his good-books, she needs to be there when Ali wakes up, she doesn’t think lying is a good option either. If he detected a lie, she wouldn’t be cope with being banned from seeing her “She likes guys” shit here comes the awkward part “But its unclear to me if she likes..” he doesn’t allow her to finish her sentence and adds “You?” she chokes, as she realises what he is asking, she was going to say girls. “I…no..yes..I don’t know if she does.” well wasn’t this the most awkward conversation she has participated in so far, outing a potential or not potential suitor, out to her dad, in front of her fucking friends. Just when she thought the day couldn’t become worse. As If they hadn’t just had the most uneasy conversation of her life, he nonchalantly suggests “Okay, lets go see my daughter”.

From the moment she saw Alison on the bed, asleep, she vowed to herself that she would sit there, every hour of the day until she woke up. All she cared about that Alison would wake up. Spencer, Hannah and Aria, tried dragging her away to eat, to sleep but she just wouldn’t listen. But really it was all to their avail. Not even her mother could drag her out of here. She was going to stay by her bed holding her hand every minute of the day, if she had to. She said she would be never leave her and she meant it.

After 5 constant days of persuasion she finally agreed to go home get washed and eat.. But only if someone would sit there and watch over her. From that moment on she slept at the hospital holding her hand, only returning home when completely necessary. She agreed to eat more, if they brought her food to snack at, at Alison’s beside. But otherwise she couldn’t care less, she promised she wouldn’t leave her. Besides she also needed protection from A, and she would do that no matter what it cost it her.

* * *

5 weeks, 3 days, 1 hour and 19 minutes, Alison woke up. Emily was reading her favourite book to Ali, the great expectations. She had already got to the part that Alison had teased her with once before, where pip announces his burning love for Estella. She couldn’t help feel this line was incessantly apt for the nightmare she was now living in “I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be”, suddenly she felt Alison squeeze her hand. At first she thought she was hallucinating, but then rapidly she squeezed again. Just as quick she squeezes back and responds by speaking to her “Ali?”. Nothing the blonde women doesn’t respond, she stands up and looks down at the stunning blonde. She begs “Ali, if you can hear me, open your eyes..please.” She felt her heart race, at this altering moment. Suddenly that was it, Ali’s eyelids were opening!, she views the most breath taking Sapphire blue orbs she had ever seen in her life. Her Alison Dilaurentis, was alive and awake. Elation ran through her body as she smiled down at her, she had waited to so long to see them again, so long to see life sitting within her beautiful stare. “Hi, Ali” She gave Alison a goofy heart-warming smile. She sees Ali’s eyes wonder around her, and notices that the woman does not know where she is “Your in hospital, Ali” she see’s panic transfer across her features “Its okay, your okay. You just have a few scars and a couple of nearly healed broken bones.” confusion now travels into her expression “You’ve been asleep for 5 weeks and a bit”.

Realising Ali is not talking or moving, she decides its probably best to notify a nurse of the extraordinary development. She presses the nurses buzzer, not wanting to leave the room. She asks “Are you okay?” the blonde just stares at her not giving anything away. Quickly a nurse walks in, acts shocked to finally see the blonde awake, and quickly runs off to get a doctor.

Alison’s doctor promptly appears and asks the woman, who is still laying down quiet as a mouse, what her name is. Her eyes lock with the male doctor, for the first time in five weeks, she opens her mouth and replies, “Alison Lauren Dilaurentis” god Emily can’t help but think, her voice, is heaven to hear after all this time, especially sounding so well. “How old are you?” she roles her eyes as if he is stupid, Emily cant help but smile at the reaction, her Alison is finally back “Ten” instantly her heart sinks, ten, she hadn’t even met Alison back then, she met her when she was eleven. The doctor sighs, and explains “Alison you are seventeen, you were hit by a car, your memory seems to be impaired at the moment, its possible it may return with time”. He follows through with some other questions checks her pupils and responses. And encourages Emily to walk out of the room with him.

He explains “Its very much possible, that she is just confused right now, it is quite common for coma patients to feel confused, she may not have received brain damage” he looks into her sad eye’s “She may get her memory back with time, I want to encourage you to spend time with her it may jog her memory, people and things she is familiar with could help too.” his black pager beeps, he surveys its screen "I will return later to go over a few more tests and health plan. If her father could be there that would be benefical." Shortly after he bids his goobye and runs to the next emergency.

She takes a minute to herself, to try to compose herself, walks back in the room and sits on the seat next to the blonde woman’s bed. Alison instantly interrogates “Who are you?” suddenly half of her world drops out from under her. She wants to be sick. The blonde doesn’t know who she is, she knew Ali mentioned she was ten, but she hoped she was half joking. She looks at her stunned. Quietly she replies “I’m Emily, Emily Fields” Ali looks at her as if she didn’t answer her question, ah how did she answer this one, its a bit complicated “I’m kind of your best friend, well one of them anyway” Alison frowns, “what do you mean kind of?, you rather were or were not” it is Emily’s turn to role her eyes “Ali that’s sort of something that’s not easy explain right now” Ali looks off to the side, the way she always has done when she doesn’t like a answer, so instead Alison changes tactics “tell me why I should allow you to be in this room with me?” her heart feels like it was callously ripped out. Suddenly she feels like the girl she was many years ago when she kissed Alison on the shoulder.

Emily stands up and walks towards the door, “I’m going to call your dad. He will want to know your awake. And the other friends I mentioned.” she knows she cannot run, like she wanted years ago when Alison hurt her, so she shows to herself she has changed. With that intention she strides to the door, she breifly turns around, leans against the door frame, in an untentionally sexy manner, and smiles. Confidence radiates from her as replies “And for the record Alison” she pauses for effect “you want to know me.”. She leaves the room to make the phone calls, quickly explaining she is awake, the worst part of it all, she is mentally ten years of age. She really does hope the doctors right, that Alison has a chance of any of her memories returning. However at the same time she guesses this is what god has asked her to sacrifice to have a living version of Alison, all the memories Alison retained of the last five years, the memories that were of her.

**Author's Note:**

> *Disclaimer - Do not own the characters.  
> I will be writing more chapters to this! So keep posted.


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